How not to write a Total Drama fanfic
by insertnamehere21
Summary: A parody of tragic fanfiction such as "My Immortal". Just a story I threw together in four hours (not that you can't tell just by reading it). Enjoy or flame. Either is good. Inspired by bad-asp and ewisko
1. Pastirody

_**Hello, this is insertnamehere21, with a story called "How not to write a Total Drama fanfic." This is a troll fanfic that I just threw together in four hours, though you could probably tell **_

**_A lot of readers and writers on hate bad fanfiction and feel the need to report it and get it taken down, but I personally think it's hilarious to read how bad they are.  
Even though I mock bad fanfictions in this story, I'm also sort of celebrating them at the same time, so this is a bit of a pastiche/parody. A pastirody, if you please._**

**_This is not the first fanfic of this kind. There have already been similar fanfics by "Bad-Asp" and "ewisko". They are hilarious to read, but they are also a little short, so I've decided to make a series out of this.  
That's right, the 22 original contestants (with many, many alterations) will be competing.  
_**

**_Enjoy, flame or lose your sense of sight. Any option is good._**

* * *

AN: Tank u Maven 4 helpin me with da spellin. I cudnt v dun it without u.

A man stood in front of the camera. He was Chris.

"My name is Chris," Chris said. "This is Total Drama. There is 22 contestants. The contestants are arriving now. First is Owen."

"Wa-hoo."

"Gwen."

"Ugh."

"Heather."

"Ugh."

"Duncan."

"Hahaha!"

"Leshawna."

"Hello, my brothers."

"Geoff."

"What up dudes?"

"Izzy."

"Me like being here."

"DJ."

"Eek."

"Lindsay."

"I'm so dumb."

"Bridgette."

"I'm a vegetarian."

"Trent."

"I love Gwen!"

"Eva."

"Grrrr…"

"Harold."

"Gosh!"

"Courtney."

"I'm a CIT!"

"Sadie."

"Eeeeeiii!"

"Beth."

"This is incredulous."

"Cody."

"Codemeister's here!"

"Izzy."

"Yay!"

"Tyler!"

"I love sports."

"Katie."

"It's summercamp!"

"Justin."

"I don't speak."

"Noah."

"Whatever."

"Eva."

"I'm strong!"

"Ezekiel."

"YO-YO-YO! I hate girls!"

"Now you're all here. Here are teams.

Owen, Heater, Leshawna, Izzy, Lindsay, Trent, Harold, Sadie, Cody, Tyler, Justin, Eva are Happy Hippos

Gwen, Duncan, Geoff, DJ, Bridgette, Eva, Courtney, Beth, Izzy, Katie, Noah, Ezekiel are Angry Rhinos.

For first challenge you must milk cows."

The contestants all milked cows.

Gwen milked the most. She won for the Rhinos.

The Happy Hippos lost. They went to bonfire ceremony.

"Owen!" Chris said.

Leshawna

Izzy

Trent

Harold

Cody

Justin

Eva

Lindsay

Tyler

Heather."

Sadie did not get a marshmallow cause he didn't milk cows cause she missed Katie.

She was sad.

"I'll win for you," said Katie.


	2. She hits everyone She wins

A/N: Stop flamin da story haterz. Maven just told me that Eva and Izzzy were on both teams. Izzy is now on Rhinos and ~Eva is on Hippos.

The contestants stopped in front t of Chris.

"Hello," said Chris.

"Hello," said contestants.

"Today you will pillow fight. Last one standing wins," Chris replied.

The contestants pillow-fighter. Header is mean so she hits everyone. She wins.

The Rhinos lose. They go to bonfire ceremony.

"Gwen

Duncan

Geoff

DJ

Bridgette

Beth

Izzy

Noah

Courtney

Ezekiel."

Katie quits because she misses Sadie. She leaves.


	3. U flame me I kill

A/N: U flame me I kill u. I don't own Total Drama. Thank you for spelling Maven.

"Today's challenge. You make films."

The two teams made films.

The Hippos film was about Lindsay's life.

The Rhinos film was about Gwen who was a vampire.

The Rhino film was better, but Chris was a prep so he let hippos win.

The Rhinos went to the bonfire ceremony.

Gwen

Duncan

Geoff

DJ

Bridgette

Courtney

Beth

Izzy

Noah

Ezekiel was eliminated for being annoying and sexist.


	4. You can all be my boyfriend

A/N: U flame ur a prep. Thx to my bff Maven.

The contestants got up and had breakfast. Chef's food was disgusting.

"This is disgusting," said Gwen.

"This is delicious," said Owen.

"Shut up," said Heather.

"Leave him alone," said Leshawna.

"You like him," said Heather.

"I don't," Leshawna protested.

"Leshawna how could you?" said Hard.

"I'm sorry Harold," Leshawna said, and they kissed.

Gwen and Duncan kissed.

Trent got angry. Courtney got angry. They kissed to make them jealous.

"I want to be with Trent," said Gwen.

"I want to be with you," said Duncan.

"I love Gwen too," said Cody.

"You can all be my boyfriend," said Gwen.

"Yay," said Trent, Cody and Duncan.

"I don't have a boyfriend," said Courtney.

"I'll be your girlfriend," said Eva.

"Okay," Courtney.

"Me and Geoff date," said Bridgette.

"Me and Tyler date," said Lindsay.

"I date no one," sighed Noah.

"I'll be with you," said Heather.

"Okay," said Noah.

"Today's challenge you all throw Frisbee," said Chris.

The contestants all threw Frisbee. Eva threw the farthest. She won.

Rhinos lost again.

Gwen

Duncan

Geoff

Bridgette

Courtney

Izzy

Noah

DJ

Beth was eliminated because she didn't throw good and she had no boyfriend.

Only 18 left. Who will win? Don't flame.


	5. She got angry

A/N: What is ur problem haterz? I had good challenges. The elimination was good. There were good couples. You are ungrateful. Me and Maven had fight but we're okay now.

"For today's challenge you will play Pac-Man," Chris said.

"I love Pac-Man," said Harold.

Harold did love Pac-Man. He got the highest score.

Gwen

Duncan

Geoff

DJ

Bridgette

Izzy

Noah.

Courtney got eliminated because she got the lowest score and she was mean.

Eva was sad that her new girlfriend was gone. She got angry.


	6. They made out

"For today's challenge you have to collect bugs!" Chris said.

The contestants collected bugs.

Gwen and Trent collected bugs together. They got about ten and then they kissed.

Leshawna and Harold got twenty bugs. They made out.

Lindsay and Tyler didn't get any bugs, but they kissed.

Eva was angry and killed the rest of the bugs, but she didn't get voted off because Leshawna and Harold got the most bugs.

The Rhinos lost again.

Gwen

Duncan

Geoff

DJ

Bridgette

Izzy

Noah

DJ got eliminated because he was scared of the bugs and he didn't catch any.


	7. I'm a witch vampire

A/N: Ur all annoying posing hypocrites. You're annoying and I hate u cause you're annoying. Thank you Mavenf or heving me. U rock my horrible wuld.

The Rhinos were angry because they kept losing. They were really Angry Rhinos now.

"I don't get it," said Gwen.

"I know," said Duncan.

"We try our best," said Geoff, and then he made out with Bridgette.

"My turn," said Izzy, and he kissed Bridgette.

"I just remembered I'm a witch-vampire," said Gwen. "I can use magic to help us win."

"Horray," said the rest of the team.

2For today's challenge you have to make a gingerbread house have to make a gingerbread house," said Chris.

The Hippos worked hard on their gingerbread house but Owen ate it.

The Rhinos used Gwen's magic to make a very good gingerbread house.

The Rhinos finally won.

Heather

Leshawna

Lindsay

Trent

Harold

Cody

Tyler

Justin

Eva

Owen was voted off for eating the gingerbread house.


	8. garlic out of his butt

A/N Stop flaimn da story preps Gwen is nota Mary-Sue. Her weakness is garlic. I show it in dis chapta.= Thx to my bff Maven.

The Rhinos were celebrateing their win.

"Thank you Gwen," said Duncan, and he kissed her.

"I'll ditch Trent and Cody," Said Gwen.

Trent and Cody were very sad.

"We should gang up on Gwen," said Trent.

"She's a witch. She might hurt us back," said Cody.

"Oh yeah. She is a witch," said Trent. "And a vampire."

"Yes, she is a witch-vampire," Cody said.

"We should kill her with garlic," said Trent.

"I have garlic," said Cody, pulling garlic out of his butt.

"I know what you're up to," said Gwen, snatching the garlic away. "Leave me alone."

"Crookshanks!" she yelled, and Trent and Cody fell unconscious to the ground.

"Todays' challenge is you have to drink water," said Chris.

The contestants drank water. Lindsay and Tyler choked. Lol. Leshawna drank a lot of water. Noah didn't. Eva drank the most. She won.

The Rhinos lost again.

Gwen

Duncan

Geoff

Bridgette

Izzy

Noah was eliminated because he didn't drink any water.

Don't flame plz cuz if you flame u stupid and I kill u cuz I can. Thx for helping me Maven.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Stp flamin prepes! I hate u all! I won't coinue if I don't get 1 gud revew. Thank you 4 spelling Maven.

Heather was sad that Noah was eliminated.

"I'm sad," she said.

"Yay. Heather's sad," said Leshawna.

"I'll fell bad," said Lindsay.

"You can't fell bad. She's heather," said Leshawna.

"But I wont to feel bad," said Lindsay.

"I'll feel bad as well," said Trent, who was now conscious again.

"I'm conscious too," said Cody.

"I hate you all," said Leshawna.

"I miss Courtney," said Eva.

Heather was sad.

Toady's challenge is a Dance Contest said Chess.

The contestants all danced. Heather and Leshawna danced badly. They were out.

Lindsay and Tyler were bad too. So was Harold. They were all out.

In the end it was down to Gwen and Trent.

Gwen used a spell to freeze Trent.

"Gwen wins," said Chris.

"That wasn't fair," said Cody.

Everyone looked at him angrily.

The hippos went to the bonfire cemetery. There were ghosts. Tyler was scared because he didn't like ghosts. Eva wasn't scared but she missed Courtney.

The following contestants are safe," said Chris.

Leshawna

Trent

Harold

Lindsay

Cody

Justin

Eva

Heather.

Tyler was eliminated because he was scared of the ghosts. Lindsay made sad-face.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: U preprs make me angry. Why u so meanfface? Maven thx for spleeling.

Lindsay was sad that Tyler had gone.

"Are you okay?" asked Heather.

2Go away heather," said Lindsay.

"Don't be said. I miss Nora," said Heather.

"Why did our boyfriends leave us?" asked Lindsay.

"Because they're mean boyfriends," said Heather.

"I'm sick of boyfriends," said Lindsay.

"We should get together," said Heather.

"Okay," said Lindsay, and Lindsay and Heather kissed.

[Confession:

Leshawna: Heather and Lindsay got together. Why?]

"I can't believe Lindsay and Heather got together," said Leshawna.

"Why?" asked Harold.

"It's weird," said Leshawna.

"There's nothing wrong with being a lesbo," said Harold. "I can't date a homophobic. I'll date Cody."

"Fine!" gasped Leshawa.

"Let's have a threesome," said Cody.

"okay," said Hared.

"Okay," said Trent.

"Can I join?" asked Justin.

"Yes," said Cody.

Harold, Trent, Cody and Justin all became boyfriends and had a foursome.

_(That was a twist. Stop saying this story is bad preps!)_

"For today's challenge you have to make a jigsaw," said Chris.

"That's boring," said Heather.

"Nobody cares," said Leshawna.

"I like jigsaws," said Harold.

The two teams made jigsaws.

The Hippos had Harold so they did very well, but Gwen used magic so the Rhinos finished in a milly-second.

"That's not fair," said Harold.

"There's no rule against magic," said Chris.

"I could have done that too. I'm a wizard," said Harold.

"No you're not. You don't have a wand," said Gwen.

"I'm not a wizard," Harold sighed.

The Hippos went to the cemetery. The ghosts were still there. They all looked angry at Leshawna because she was homophobic

The following contestants are safe.

Heather

Lindsay

Trent

Harold

Cody

Justin

Eva

Leshawna was eliminated for being mean and homophobic.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Preps stop flaming youre just jealous cuz I'm a better writer than u and I'm goffik and ur posers.

Special fangz (cuz I'm goffik) to Maven for helping me with da spilling.

Everyone was happy that Leshawna gone.

"Good riddance," said Lindsay.

"You said it," said Heather.

"Let's all have sex," said Trent.

_(I can't describe what happened because my mom looks at my stories and she'd ground me if she saw wha I wrote. She's prep)_

Chef mad bad breakfast

Heather and Lindsay kissed.

Trent and Harold kissed

Cody and Justin kissed

Gwen and Duncan kissed

Geoff and Bridgette kissed

Izzy and Eva kissed because there partners (Owen and Courtney) were gone so they made do.

Chef was jealous so he kissed an intern. The intern was a guy.

"You're all disgusting," said Chris.

"You're a prep," said Gwen,

#"I know," sighed Chris. "Today's challenge is rock paper scissors."

Lindsay, Justin, Geoff and Bridgette had rock

Trent, Harold and Cody had paper

Heather, Gwen, Duncan, Izzy and Eva had scissors.

The Rhinos won.

The Hippos had to vote someone off.

The Hippos went to the chemistry. There was a teacher who was talking very boring.

The contestants all fell asleep listening.

When they woke up, Chris was there.

"The following are safe," said Chris.

Heather

Lindsay

Trent

Harold

Cody

Justin

Eva was eliminated because she was the only person on the team who wasn't with someone on the team so they all ganged up on her and she was eliminated because she got the most votes.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Prepz stop flamin why you hate Lindsay and Heather just because they lesinianS? Thx 2 my bff Maven 4 helpin me with da spells (lol).

Gwen is called Gown not Mary-Sue!

Justin got up to brush his teeth.

Cody got up next and he looked under Justin's pillow. There was a picture of Beth.

"That liar," he gasped.

He woke up Trent and Harold and said, "Justin was using us."

"Why?" cried Trent.

"We should vote him off," Said Harold.

"For today's challenge you will racing Mario-Kart," said Chris.

"I love Mario-Kart," said Harold.

"You're a nerd," said Heather.

"You love Mario-Cater too," said Harold.

Heather blushed. "Yeah," she sighed. "I do."

"Hey, you're cheating on me," said Lindsay.

"I know," said Heather, and she walked over to Harold.

"Okay, I'll just date Justin," said Lindsay and she walked over to Justin.

"I guess we're only a twosome now," Cody said to Trent.

"The race starts now," said Chris.

Harold won the race. The Rhinos had to vote someone off.

Gwen

Duncan

Geoff

Bridgette

Izzy was eliminated because her kart exploded and she died, but Gwen bought his back 2 life. She was still Eliminated though because she lost the race.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I offishally hate Maven now. She stole my favourite eyeliner and she didn't five it bac. Im not letasing her edit ma story anymore. Haha seves hr right.

The contestants wer were happie ucz they mad da merge.

"Im so happy," Siad gown.

"Me to," said dunken.

"wots toyads challeng?" aske d Cody.

"you have 2 play table tennis," sed Cris.

Heater was vs Gwen. Gwen won.

Duncan vs Geoff. Duncan won.

Lindsay vs Bridgette. Bridgette won.

Trent vs Harold. Harold won.

Cody vs Justin. Cody won.

Gwen, Duncan, Bridgette, Harold, Cody got invisibility. That means nobody could see them because they were invisible.

The contesters who want invisibile were up 4 subsidization

Lindsay Geof Ternt Heater safe

Justinout cuz he cheated on Harold Trent Cody.

"well mis u not," sed Trent Cody but not Harold ucz he with heather now.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Im so sorry I got mad u Maven u awsum not prepp. U can edit ma stotru agen.

Only nine contestants were left. They were happy to have made it this far.

"Yay," they said. "We made it."

"I'm sorry I got mad Heather,|" said Lindsay. "Justin was a poser."

"I forgive you," said Heather. "Sorry Haro d we over."

"Why don't we have a threesome," said Harold.

"Okay," said Heather.

"Today's challenge is cooking," said Chris. "Everyone has a to make a dish on there own. No couples together."

Harold raised his hand.

"And no threesomes either," said Ciders.

"Aw," said Harold, Lindsay and Heather.

The person who made the best dish was Gwen, who made spigots carbonara, but Chris was a prep so he didn't like the blood sauce.

Instead he gave invisibility to Heater who made cake in the shape of Chris head.

At the chemistry –

Heather gets invisibility so she's safe

Lindsay

Trent

Harold

Cody

Bridgette

Geoff

Duncan

Gwen was eliminated because she was powerful and goffik and everyone thought she was a threat.

There, I eliminated Gwen because u preps n posers kept seeing her as Mary Su. R u preps happy now?

U kamnt flame dis chapta cuz I dud u all a flavour. No need to fang'k me ('cuz I'm goffik).


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Cant u read: No flamin! U all sook. U shud be gartfull that im evan doin ddis for u. ungratefull preppys.

Only eight campers left now. Heather, Lindsay, Trent, Harold, Cody, Bridgette, Geoff and Duncan.

Duncan was very angry that Gwen was gone.

"I'm very angry," he said. "How could you vote her off if Harold is still in the game?"

"Because Gwen's goffik," Bridgette replied.

"We hate goffiks," said Geoff.

"Shut up you preppies," said Duncan.

"Shut up Duncan," said Trent.

"Today's challenge u have to throw tomatoes," said Chris.

"Whatever," said Duncan.

Duncan threw tomatoes at Bridget and Jeff. Duncan threw tomatoes at Trent and Cody. Duncan threw tomatoes at Harold, Lindsay and Heater. Duncan won invisibly. Nobody could see him so he kicked them all in the balls. He was happy.

At the clause, Santa was there and he had a sack of presents.

"Yay," said Lindsay. "I love Santa."

"You don't get presents because you're a prep," said Santa. "Presents only for da goffiks. Duncan gets a present."

Santa gave Duncan a gift. It was a knife.

Duncan was very happy and he slit his wrists cause he was depressed.

"The following are safe," said Chris.

"Duncan is safe cause he has invisibility and the rest of you all voted him off anyway, so only Donnas vote counts.

Heather

Lindsay

Trent

Harold

Cody

Bridgette

Geoff was eliminated because he was a prep and he was mean to Duncan and he hated goffs.

Bridgette was sad.

"Could I slit my wrists?" she asked Duncan.

"yes," said Duncan and he gave her a knife.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I get so mad wen u flame da story . Thx to my ffb Kaven for helping me with da spellin. U aesum not prep.

Bridgette was sad Geoff was gone. She read a depressing book while she waited for the blood to dry.

"How was that?" Duncan asked.

"Good," Bridgette said. "I like being goth."

"Welcome to the dark side," said Duncan.

"Can you be my girlfriend?" asked Bridgette.

"Sorry I'm with Gwen. We could be in a threesome," said Duncan.

"Okay," said Bridgette. "I'll ditch Geoff. I don't miss him anymore."

"That's the spirit," said Duncan.

"Here's today's challenge," said Chris. "You'll ride elephants."

The contestants ride elephants.

Duncan comes first. He gets invisibility.

At the crematory an intern's dead body was burned.

"I love this," said Duncan.

"me too," said Bridgette. "Are you a vampire?"

"Yes," said Duncan. "But I'm not a wizard like Gwen."

"I am a witch though," said Bridgette. "Sadly I'm a squib so I can't do magic."

"That's cool too," said Duncan.

"Marshmallows," said Chris.

"Duncan

Bridgette

Cody

Harold

Trent

Lindsay

Heather was eliminated because Duncan, Bridgette, Trent and Cody voted her off.

Lindsay and Harold were sad.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Stop flamin u make me mad. Tank u Maven for helping me. I sorry I spelled u name rong in the last A/N.

Lindsay and Harold were angry at the others for voting for Heather.

"You don't need Heather. She's a prep," said Duncan.

"We know. We only pretended to like her," said Lindsay and Harold. "We're goffik too."

"That was a surprise," said Bridgette.

"Hey, why are the so many goffs?" Trent cried.

"Because we're awesome," said Lindsay.

"Okay. We'll be goffik too," said Cody.

"But I don't wanna be goffik," said Trent.

"Too bad," said Cody.

"Today's challenge is diving," said Chris.

Duncan did the best dive. He did three flips. He won invisibility

The contestants went to the creamery. An intern was making cream.

"I hate cream. It's so preppy," said Duncan.

"I know, right?" said the others Lindsay Harold Cody Bridgette but not Trent cuz he was still a prep. He was eating cream.

The following are safe

Duncan

Bridgette

Cody

Harold

Lindsay

Trent was eliminated for being a prep


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: STOP FLAIMN I HATE U U SUC U TORLLS AND JOBODY LIKE U. DUNCAN IS NOT MARTY/GARY-STU. HES NOT PERFECT HE HAS A WEASKNESS FOR GWEN U LL IGNORANT!

The final five were Duncan Bridgette Lindsay Harold Cody.

Duncan was with Bridgette and Lindasy with Harold. Cody was on his own.

"We should let Cody join," said Duncan. "We'll have a bigger alliance."

"No, we should," said Lindsay. "Come on Cody pick us."

"I don't know," said Cody. "I'll decide later."

"Today's challenge is bowling," said Chris.

Harold got all strikes to he won immunity

_(See, Duncan didn't win. Is dat being a Gary-Stu?)_

The contestants all went to the Grammys. Hillary Duff won because she's a prep and the judges were preps so they all voted for her.

"I hate Hillary Duff," said Bridgette.

"Me too," said Duncan.

"Who are you voting with?" Lindsay asked Cody.

"I'm not telling," said Cody.

"The following are safe," said Chris.

"Harold

Cody

Bridgette

Duncan

Lindsay was eliminated because Cody voted with Bridgette and Duncan.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Can't you red? Stp flmasdodn! Thx to Maven for da slepping.

"I can't believe you voted for Lindsay," said Harold. "I'm not going to be a goth anymore. I'm prep again."

"Who cares," said Duncan.

"Today's challenge is croquet," said Chris.

Harold won because croquet is prep game and Harold is prep.

They had an elimination ceremony at the grammar.

(I don't know what dat is)

"Harold gets immunity so he's safe," said Chris.

Duncan

Bridgette

Cody got eliminated because he was voted by Duncan and Bridgette.

"We're sorry," said Duncan.

"It's okay," said Cody, and he left on the boat of leers.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Stop flamin. U falme again u get no finale.

Thx to my bff Maven.

"Today's challenge is Motorbike race," said Chris.

Duncan won because he had a motorbike.

He voted off Harold because he was a prep.

Harold got really angry and he fell into the water and drowned.

Unfortunately he was immortal so he came back to life. He still left TGIF.

Duncan and Bridgette were the final 2.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: U shud be grateful I'm doing dis finale! I don appresiahte da flams! Duncan is not Gary-Stu and Bridgette is not OOC! U ALL INGORANT U DON'T EVEN LEIK SO DON'T READ

"I'm so glad we made it," said Duncan

"I have a confession," said Bridgette. "I'm still a prep I only pretended to be goffik so u wouldn't vote me off. I still like Geoff."

"U LIAR!" yelled Duncan.

"Sorry pretty boy. Looks like ill win," said Bridgette.

"Here's the final challenge," said Chris. "Wrestling."

"Haha, you can't rustle a girl," said Bridgette.

"Only prepz think that," said Duncan, and he wrestled Bridgette.

To the ground.

"Duncan wins," said Chris.

Gwen cheered and kissed Duncan.

"You won," said she.

Bridgette was angry and she spontaneously combusted.

"Should we bring her back to life" Duncan asked.

"No," said Gwen, laughing.

"Okay," said Duncan, and they made out and then had sex.

The end.

* * *

**Congratulations to everyone who made it through. **

**I hope you enjoyed if you're one of those people who loves bad fanfiction. Unfortunately, many people don't, and if you're one of those, flame all you want.  
**

**No Bridgettes were harmed in the making of this fanfiction (to my knowledge)  
**


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